intentional steps

2011-12-05T18:35:00.000-08:00

gifts

9. the little gallery - commune - like gifted hearts

10. love - it's all you need

11. prayers - they work you know

12. grace - it's free

13. freedom - I pray I don't take if for granted

14. friends - real and true

15. others - "one" of the best way to get out of the blah. getting my eyes off of myself

16. plenty - of love, friends, beauty in life

17. work - income, co-workers and creative outlet

18. imagination - a gift that takes me to a place of wonder

19. art - the creative process - a means of expression, a moment of exhilaration, exasperation and inspiration, a melancholy moment, a joyous point in time, a worshipful statement - the journey, the past, present and future, the WOW, the freedom, the window, the transformation. thankful for this gift of creativity given by the ultimate artist - my Creator - my God

20. the next beat of my heart...and the next and the next...

21. family - of my blood and of His blood

22. unexpected bonuses that help the financial crunch of 7 days no pay recup from surgery - God is good!

23. my beautiful niece who I get to see tomorrow

24. blessings - for those who are struggling with illness, sadness, pain... "give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness" (isaiah 61:3) may you be blessed in knowing you are loved...

25. that in all things - God is faithful

26. smiles - once upon a time - long, long ago - they were hard to be found - grateful that isn't the case anymore

27. freedom - free to sing - free to dance!

28. mail.love.

29. gifted antlers

30. my husband - helpmate - support - friend

31. the journey

32. peace - heartfelt - all knowing -that which surpasses all understanding - peace

33. overwhelming response to my art - selling another piece today - the creative vision that God gives me has been embraced by others - dosen't always happen...

gifts

2011-11-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

art by kelly barton

8. sisters - of my blood, of His blood, of encouragement, of faith, of love, of help, of inspiration, of discernment, of knowledge, of joy

gifts.

2011-11-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

1. the deep breath taken before singing out strong
2. the breath of life
3. the bread of life
4. living water
5. this little home
6. creative souls
7. colors that echo and bounce and attach to retinas

Just having fun.

2011-09-24T16:14:00.001-07:00

dear.heart.

2011-09-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

Current show at the LaLa Gallery and Studio in Lafayette.

visual writing - hospitality

2011-08-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

the Midwest Truth

2011-06-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

A midwest transplant trying to live a full life.

Trying to live in the truth.

The heart and soul of the moment.

I am transformed and I am tethered to the truth so I need not be afraid to trust.

"It's safe to trust..." Ann Voskamp

visual writing - sticks and stones

2011-05-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

sticks & stones -

is it true that names will never hurt?

"beautiful bird, surrounded by debris, yet waging the 'good fight', rising in his liberty!" - unknown

visual writing - free.luna

2011-03-19T05:47:00.000-07:00

the steps to freedom are to surrender to the birth of change however, transformation is not instant - though it may look - chrysalis to moth - it still needs to reach the light.

visual writing - medal of honor.purple heart

2011-03-05T20:53:00.001-08:00

she will never forget where she came from.

Beauty For Ashes

2011-02-03T16:31:00.000-08:00

"Straight up?" "Yes straight up - tell me straight up..."

"Ok, it's like this: Christians aren't perfect."

I see a luna moth, attracted to the light, fluttering, flying up and down, trying to reach the light. She's tired and frustrated. Could it be she's not trying hard enough?

Luna is tethered. She is tethered to a stake pounded deep within the earth. It's a nuisance and the rope is thick and strong...

As an artist, I tend to think in visuals. The already transformed luna moth, is me. The light is Christ. The stake is my past and the rope...well, the rope is me not trusting in the Lord.

Sometimes I wonder who's will is stronger? My will not to trust God, or His Will? Well, it's not a matter of the strength of our wills because we all know the ONE who created us, His Will, will be done. He can very easily change the situation, or take the situation away...but He doesn't. He waits patiently, a light, shining, waiting for that one day, when we will untie that rope.

I was asked to lead worship at the Calvary Chapel's women's luncheon and one of the songs I chose was called Beauty for Ashes (Shane and Shane). The song is based on Isaiah 61:3 “...and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”

I felt as thought there could be others beside myself struggling with "holding on" to what was, and in doing so, not completely trusting in God. As Christians, we don't like to admit that we can struggle with trust. When we are in Christ, we are new creatures, so why would we have a hard time trusting in the One who gives us this new life? 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

Is it the simple fact that we don't see the meaning of His words as they truly, deeply mean? Do we really understand that we are new creatures? Do we really understand that He replaces the ashes of our mourning with beauty? With Him?

Instead we can be stagnant, stuck, tethered to a past life of sin. We may be ashamed of our past to the point that we actually deny the freedom that Christ provides! When we allow ourselves to be tethered to the past, we are not allowing Christ to change us. We are making a choice not to trust in Him.

So He waits patiently for us to come to Him, so that He may replace the ashes (no more mourning) and become our beauty. He is our Great Physician and our Counselor. He heals - and will make us free if we just untie that rope.

Fast forward - a new visual - this time no luna but a "heart tethered to the Truth." I heard these very words on a Christian radio pod cast this past week. It's no coincidence that the very word tethered was used giving me this new visual. So what is the Truth? The Truth is Christ and He makes us free. John 8:32 “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

Teed Commentary: If you have trusted Christ as your Savior, you are already living today in a spiritual “Year of Jubilee.” You have been set free from bondage; your spiritual debt to the Lord has been paid; you are living in “the acceptable year of the Lord.” Instead of the ashes of mourning, you have a crown on your head; for He has made you a king (Revelation 1:6). You have been anointed with the oil of the Holy Spirit, and you wear a garment of righteousness (Isaiah 61:3, 10).

God promises restoration. When we trust in Him we give Him glory. We no longer rely on ourselves but Him and a renewal will follow. Praise be to God who showers new mercies each day upon the children who often refuse to take His hand. He restores them so that they may fulfill their purpose to bear witness to the One that frees the captive.The One who saves.

*********

Lyrics for Beauty for Ashes

Shane & Shane

(Click here to listen)

beauty for ashes

a garment of praise for my heaviness

beauty for ashes

take this heart of stone and make it Yours, Yours

i delight myself in the Richest of Fair

trading all that i've had for all that is better

a garment of praise for my heaviness

You are the greatest taste

You're the richest of fair

visual writing - beginnings of transformed.luna

2011-01-21T21:43:00.001-08:00

new art. in progress.

2010-11-25T07:15:00.000-08:00

home.

home consists of:

found deer mirror from 70's?

maps of new york and indiana

acrylic paint

deer antlers

Christmas gift wrap

gold foil

key

the house in this painting represents the home i lived in as a child - i lived there through two years of college and then i left for two.5 more years of college somewhere else. i did come home once. to be with my father after he and my mother separated. i left college to live with him. i had graduated my major but was seeking a minor at the time. i realized i was supposed to move home - it wasn't a coincidence you see soon after i moved back my father had an episode with a bleeding ulcer and almost died. his bedroom was upstairs with no phone. he would of had to go all the way to kitchen in order to reach it. he lost so much blood that i feel he couldn't have made it - even to crawl to the kitchen would still leave him having to reach for the phone mounted high on the wall.

some of my memories of home are living on the side of a highway - 55 mph - but no one drove 55 - it was typically faster. we had cow crossing signs and snowmobile crossing signs...my friends and i would sit on the guard rails on the side of the road and wave to cars. we would ride our bikes and meet each other to sneek a cigarette then ride back home. the nights were pitch black and the stars were bright.

we had a big red glass lamp that hung in our dining room with damask red velvet wall paper. it hung over our ping pong table that doubled as a huge family gathering table.

there is a poem somewhere.

home.

2010-11-01T18:59:00.001-07:00

bright, pink, blush.

2010-07-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

Beauty for Ashes - Revisited.

2010-07-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

How can we listen if we are continually talking?

when a heart becomes a strawberry.

2010-06-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

Fruit of the Spirit.

ashen remains

2010-05-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

A week past of seeing how simply easy to lose years of material gain - what some may deem as part of themselves - only to be gifted life again by seeing another sunrise and sunset. To be blessed with hot sticky weather, dirty clothing, smelly motel room, chicken salad. Another breath - another kidney dialysis - a bowel movement - a drink of cold water - another day. Short snippets of smiles.
The cuckoo clock is blackened - the hands melted - has time stopped? Just long enough to get out of the burning wooden shelter called a home.
Laughter in the alley as flames reach toward heaven. A documentary of a man who lost his memory. Not memories in a house fire but memories from his mind. A blink of an eye and they return, another blink and they are gone.
And now the ashen remains are just that - memories - that can be sifted through using hands of flesh, blood and bone. Praise God.
Quenched thirst and drowned fires by rivers of Living Water.

heart of worship when creating art

2010-05-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

This is a fantastic quote from a site I came upon.

written by Sara: "Art speaks in a loud, strident voice – boldly expressing opinions held fiercely by their creators. Art shouts from walls of galleries, as the outpouring of personal tastes, opinions and philosophies of the artists."

The link:

http://www.christian-artist-resource.com/heart-of-worship.html

I created artwork for years with the notion that the viewer was the story teller. Each person viewing the piece would incorporate their story into it. I offered up no explanation nor wanted to force my view onto said viewer. I discovered that was wrong. I don't believe in postmodernism and that is what I was preaching. Who knew? I certainly did not.

The painter has something to say and it is usually specific. Just like our Creator who created heaven and earth has something to say - something beautiful. View the grand oak tree reaching to the sky worshipping it's Creator with outstretched arms! Green leaves budding in the spring, coming to life - a new creation in the magnificent sun. Can anyone look at the oak tree and have their own interpretation of the oak tree's purpose? I suppose, but what was the intention of the Master Artist? What was God's intention when He made that oak tree? What other interpretation could there be than to worship and praise Him?

"Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad, let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the Lord." (Psalm 96:11-13)

I am learning how to create in a different way. The past three years in particular I have learned that I can worship God in creating artwork. The art is my song. Sometimes I forget this however and I get an idea and create while excluding Him. I look elsewhere for inspiration. I don't pray. Sara in her post says to beware of this. Such a wise note of caution.

So back to the quote that started this post. I love the visual of art shouting from gallery walls.

The creation SHOUTS from earth, as the outpouring of the intentions of the Master Creator. The Ultimate Artist - God.

Thank God for the reminder and this new blog of encouragement.

joy and sorrow continued...

2010-05-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

What does God say of Joy and Sorrow?

Many suffer and fall away from the Lord due to a false premise of thinking that they will have no tribulations when they come to Christ. If they have enough faith they will be healed or will have "the favor". I am saddened by this type of thinking.

The bible speaks of tribulations as a way to glorify God. Through trials we stand in faith and love to the One who created us. We learn of dying to self, becoming selfless - like Christ who died for us. He gave up all things for us. That is selfless. If we are continually seeking our own gratification; what we can get out of life and question why bad things happen to us, then perhaps it is time to read the bible a bit more carefully.

Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls -- Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18

The trials in life allow us to reach out to God. They are meant to bring us to our knees. They are to edify, to teach, to show us that we are in need of our Creator. He created us and He saved us. How do we repay that? By crying and whining about how hard we have it? If we lose an arm do we not have another?

Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Psalm 51:8

If we lose both arms do we not have a leg? If we lose everything - our purity, our innocence, our voice, our sight, our family, our spouse - do we not still have our heart?

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart -- These, O God, You will not despise. Psalm 51:17

It is awesome to think that a Creator would allow us to go through the pain and hurts of life in order to break our hearts so that we may see His sovereignty, His holiness, His love.

written by Paul while bound in chains:

But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel, so that it has become evident to the whole palace guard, and to all the rest, that my chains are in Christ; and most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains, are much more bold to speak the word without fear. Philipians 1:12-14

The spiritual life is bigger - more important to God than the physical. He deals with our hearts (I see a continuing theme here). What are our intentions? Where does our faith, loyalty and love reside?

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5

joy and sorrow - khalil gibran

2010-05-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

our very best.

2010-04-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

I was listening to a cd today. Some may think the singer a bit pitchy or inexperienced. I hear passion and I hear past the pitchy and the inexperience. It made me happy and revealed to me that even though we should give God our best - sometimes our best is not the best of another. Sometimes our best is pitchy and inexperienced! And it's ok to simply sing!

If the very best that we can do is compared to filthy rags - then oh how I long to sit next to the one who sings off key at church - singing from the very pit of his soul - singing out loudly to praise the Lord with passion. To share with the artist who has something to say about their God - the God of heaven and earth using cheap paints with unsteady brushstrokes. To read the poem written by the teen that doesn't rhyme nor make sense but makes sense to her and to her God.

But we are all like an unclean thing,

And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags;

We all fade as a leaf,

And our iniquities, like the wind,

Have taken us away.

Isaiah 64:6 (NKJV)

Do I deny to sing or to paint or to write because I don't think I am good enough? Or do I think that I am better than they? To God, if our righteousness is as filthy rags, then we are all the same. We are picked out by our intention. Yes everything comes down to the intention of the heart doesn't it?

this word: garment.

2010-04-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

This word Garment - suggested by Rachel and I added an s.

Here we go.

Garments of sacrifice

burn at the fringe

they smell like lost innocence

and they cover over

they cover over

Garments of faith

taped to the paper doll

they look like sackcloth

and they feel like wool

they feel like wool

Garments of joy

dog-eared to remind

they taste like freedom

and they are warm like the sun

warm like the sun

Garments of praise

fall down with arms raised

they are likened to birds

and they reveal our hearts

reveal our hearts

I was thinking...

2010-04-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Being intentional is quite difficult. One tends to put too much emphasis on making words so deliberate that the words never come. I glanced around and found writings from the past. Non-sensical writings that revealed. So I read them and realized I can re-write them, just like God has re-written me.

~~~~~~~

written 2002 - revised 2010

and I was thinking

and that’s always unfinished business

when I stand

and I look

I forget who I am

until I see Christ looking back at me

and I was thinking

and I am always thinking

that my eyes were closed

when I read

the dance steps

of this passion played oh so sweetly

and I was thinking

when I wasn’t falling

how crazy silly

this faith meanders around me

when I talk to God

and He reminds me just how human I can be

and I was thinking

absurd as it sounds

that this little girl

is allowed to cry

because it isn’t so bad

and the ashes simply blow away

I try not to think about it

not to think anymore

that fits and tantrums

disfigure my face

when I whine

and You remind me of my sin

You hold my hand

and You tell me it’s ok

but I already knew

so I sang You a song

and played my deliberate painting

and left it unfinished

just like me

and I was thinking...

You already knew what I was thinking.

plastic flowers.

2010-04-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

tin can rose.

2010-04-05T18:35:00.000-07:00

the color red

2010-03-30T17:17:00.001-07:00

It seems that many of my paintings have the color red in them. I have noticed my color palette is very narrow. Maybe it's just a phase or a season...I don't know. It has been this way for a couple of years now. I am not sure that it bothers me but I am curious about it. Someone once said some of my art is “creepy”...does the red make it creepy? I understand with this particular piece - the red may represent blood but what you don't see yet are the roses - red roses - they are yet still in my head.

I did a search online on how to make roses out of aluminum cans. I found something. I want to make many aluminum can roses.

I tend to think of roses as stereotyping beauty and love.

I am not a rose person and I rarely wear red.

a garland instead of ashes or beauty for ashes

2010-03-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

Back to artwork again. It seems that so much of my art carries a very similar theme. The theme being “dross”. The impurities that bubble up to the surface.

My current painting in progress called “Beauty for Ashes” is becoming a triptych and has also engulfed my new sculptural project.

I pondered what to do for a show called Go Figure which is specifically geared towards recycling and using objects found in the trash, to be thrown away or found on the ground. The minimum size requirement is 48" tall so I needed height. I started looking for a table base and I already had an old beat up ammunition box previously purchased a few years back at a yard sale. I ended up finding a table base about a week ago - no table top just the perfect base. It even had a broken leg that had been glued back on. It wasn't in the trash but it was only $5.

So there it sits, the table base with the box on top waiting for me to fill it with trash..or should I say recycled found objects.

My intention was to create something with the theme of self worth or self esteem...then I thought I really don't have a grasp on the self esteem concept yet. Coming from a past of anti-depressants and therapy, the world's concept of self esteem was engraved onto my mind. I therefore didn't have the correct interpretation of it...yet. Maybe someday - so I then thought of the Beauty for Ashes painting. Why not make a series? Ok. So the concept of self esteem will now be burned, the impurities surfacing to the top, the ashes blown away.

Who are we any way? Is our identity in what we do or wear or feel? Do we really need to feel acceptance from our neighbor, friend, peer? When I was young I would say yes, a definitive “YES” and the way I lived my life proved that I believed this. Now, a definitive “NO!” Oh how I wish I knew that when I was young.

More to come...

His testimony

2010-03-06T08:08:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I heard this: Instead of saying this is MY testimony why not say this is HIS testimony? This was a great point. If you are a Christian you should be ready to give a testimony of what God has done for you and what you have come out of and how you have been restored. However we can get caught up in giving so much detail about the past, what bad things you did, where you were and then only give a small praise to God.

We need to be aware that the details of our past may mean many things. They can be a stumbling block to others that hear the testimony. Too much detail may be inappropriate. Sometimes the details of the past are things we hold on to for comfort because they are familiar. Sometimes they are details that we have not yet dealt with and we have pushed them aside. The important thing to do with those past details is deal with them as they are brought up but the most important thing to do is to give the glory to God.

Do you ever hear something one day then the next day you hear something on the radio that goes along with what you were discussing the day before, then the next day you read something that continues the subject? That happened to me. Today was the day I read about something I had just commented about. I read in the book Principles of Leadership for Women by Gail Mays. I opened to "Never Accept Any Glory"

"I am the LORD: that is My name: and My glory will I not give to another..." Isaiah 42:8

I think God is trying to get my attention.

Here is what Gail says:

Glory belongs to God, and your position is to bring Him attention. It's God's work, done God's way, for God's glory! As a leader fit for the Master's use, beware of pride! It can be a horrible monster or a purring kitten, but nevertheless beware!

Testimonies may fall into the realm of a way of getting attention. We may not have healed yet from our past nor may we have even dealt with some of the things we went through so we “feel” sad or in need of others to listen to us. Beware! The attention belongs to Him. Attention is a prideful concept. We are to be others centered. So the point of a testimony is to allow it to minister to others who may be struggling, to show them a way out through trusting in the Lord and to give the glory to God.

I guess I need to go work on His testimony!

2010-03-01T17:39:00.000-08:00

I stare at this blog like a deer in headlights!

Being intentional is quite difficult.

I went to something familiar...my artwork.

----------

The story of Pink Grace.

About nineteen years ago I found myself in a dark place. It was a place of rest yet I was so very tired. You were watched - every meal was noted - what you did or did not eat. You see not eating was a sign of depression.

Still it was in this place that God began to reveal my need for Him. I know God was there my entire life - showing me things here and there but it was in this place that I finally started to pay attention. Through my distorted view learned in Catholic and Lutheran church, college philosophy and feminist classes I began my journey to know Him.

At that time, I went from wondering why I had to pray to saints, to why I couldn't go directly to God, to I don't get this whole Jesus thing, to was God a woman and then the hey, wait a minute - maybe there is no God...

Still through all that muddled thinking He showed up in a book of prayers and a pair of pink, beaded socks.

The details are here: a.r. 1

http://www.9-ah.com/artistic_rants.html

Years later I came upon someone who needed to be reminded of love, generosity and grace. I remembered what it was like to receive those pink socks that I had admired - given to me freely. At first I didn't know what to make so I actually drew the socks. I scanned the socks - nothing looked right. Then I painted a little angelic type figure. I sent it to the person. I sent one to someone else and then to another. I decided Pink Grace would always be free - a gift.

The definition of Grace: The unmerited favor from God. Now God's grace is so much bigger, better and awesome than this little painting could ever think of being. It says in Ephesians 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God...What an awesome gift.

relearning

2010-02-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

Here we go. If you don't know me - you will know a bit about me soon...

I have forgiven them - those people of my past - and myself but...yes there is a but...but forgiveness and forgetting does not erase what I have learned life to be.

My worldly life began at 13 and ended at 39.

When things happen over and over again and you don't have a protector figure who puts their arms around you and tells you it's ok and that you are loved, then you rely on whomever you come across to get your comfort from and in my case some of them ended up being abusive, hate filled, bitter people. Those situations molded me.

At 39ish - I had enough - people were not making me happy and were not showing me the protection, the nurturing and the love that I felt I needed. I didn't know who God was and I discovered that I wanted to live for Him - No one told me to do that - He guided me to do that and when that happened - I had to begin the process of relearning everything I previously had learned. How to respond to people correctly. How to communicate the right way. How to live the way God intended me to live. Years of doing something a certain way is quite hard to relearn but I am doing it with God's help.

I don't think about the past every day - I don't really think about it much at all but I know myself well - and I know that we are products of our environment. We do have our own personalities of course but those personalities can be molded and I am a mold of my past.

When something comes up and boy did things come up this week (and it's only Tuesday) I know it's time to deal with them and to heal and move on. No loving person would make someone try to deal with every issue all at once and bombard them with a bunch of negative emotional stuff and I don't think God would do that either. He brings them up here and there and allows me to pitch my hissy fits in order to figure out that I can't fix them by myself. I need Him to help me. That way each thing can get worked on as He sees fit.

When I am caught all up in it - I feel like a hypocrite. I resort to my learned behavior before turning 39ish...it's quite easy to fall into it and I sulk and I cry and I get angry.

Still, if you ask me how to have the perfect marriage - I can tell you how to do that. If you ask me how to love - I can tell you that too. If you ask me how to die to self - I can tell you that as well but...yes there's a but...I just don't know how to actually live them out.

i am not really here…yet

2010-02-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

so starting a blog isn’t that easy…i got a username…i made a little blog on wordpress then i made this one…i guess i have to write something first and get the feel of them and see which one is more user friendly. i used to be at livejournal – i was there since 2000 but decided i needed to be much more intentional about life…

but…

it’s like that blank, white canvas…all those blank, white canvases that call to be caressed by paint but remain untouched due to fear? lack of muse? lack of time? lack of passion? really?

starting a blog isn’t that easy…